The wonder and horror of abundance

This morning, I wanted to make some boiled eggs for a salad. When I separated from my husband, I took none of the cookware with me, so I had no pots and pans to boil the eggs in. So I took my trusty dog for a walk, looking up and down the streets for a cast off pot. First, all I found was a dish drainer, but I needed one of those as well, so I took it. We turned around after 5 or six blocks and headed up another avenue back home. Sure enough, just two blocks from home, someone had set out boxes with "Free" signs on them and just as I had hoped (and to some degree expected) One was full of just the cookware I needed and more. After I took the dog home I came back and helped myself to a teapot with a broken handle and a missing lid for a pot, two different size frying pans, a crepe pan, three votive holders and two drinking glasses. I left behind four boxes of assorted cookware, children's clothing and other housewares. This morning I basically went shopping on the street, finding everything I was looking for and more, within the space of about an hour and a half.

The poor person in me is delighted. I got what I needed for free, easily. The environmentalist is horrified. It was too easy. we covered 10 blocks to find what was essentially waste. If you multiply that by the space of the city, the space of the country, the face of the developed world, and think of how much I left behind, its a terrifying comment on our society. Whats more, the bulk of the cookware was in bad shape, In all honesty, I'll probably put it back on the curb when I can afford better, and then where does it go? In spite of programs like freecycle, and all the second hand stores, even using things again, it all means we have just too much stuff, and it wears out too quickly.

I'm taking lessons

After 3 long years of struggling to learn to surf all by myself, I decided for the sake of my sanity it was finally time to take surf lessons. There were a number of influences that led to this decision:

1. A native Hawaiian I met on OB named Jessie had offered lessons I could potentially afford.
2. I got a substantial shift bonus at work for switching to nights, so I actually could afford them.
3. I got spooked after a friend I hadn't surfed with before tried to get me to paddle out into waves that were way too big for me and I kept getting pounded. When he asked me if I wanted to go back to the Jetty I got so discouraged I actually went there and got even more discouraged. I'm not JETTY BAD!
4. After taking this particular friend's advice and going back to what was once my favorite place in the world that I now avoid like the plague, I had the third worst day I EVER had surfing, the second worst being the aforementioned trip to the dreaded Jetty, and the worst ever being the day I decided to separate from my husband.

On my last trip to Linda Marr I lost it. After pearling a good seven times in a row, I actually got so pissed off I actually TRIED to break my epoxy funboard in half. I screamed at it for wasting three years of my life. I took off my leash and I threw it in the water, hard, twice, only to have it come back and hit me so hard in the shin it left a scar. I was ready to give it to the next person I saw. I was ready to leave it on the beach. When I came to my senses, sort of, I was ready to take it back to Sonlight, sell it, and my wetsuit, and give up surfing altogether.

But then what would I do? I've rearranged my entire life around surfing. I work nights so I can surf. I have a 60 mile round trip commute so I can surf. I had just spent every dime I had so I could get an apartment on the beach so I can surf, and before that, I lived in a creepy garage so I could surf. I no longer had a husband. Art no longer interests me. All I've wanted to do for the past three years is be a machinist and surf. And I'm not great at either...yet.

So, I figured, I'd tried everything else, I might as well take a lesson.

I got the "Original" Twelve Dollar Surfboard out of Storage!

Its good to have him back. I know as an ocean-going vessel The Byrne should be a "She" but I spend a lot of time riding him and and I don't swing that way, often. My god is that thing lighter than my epoxy boards! I'd like to take him out just for the hell of it, but I'd probably end up sinking pretty fast. I missed him. I've been frustrated with my lack of improvement lately and I thought if I took him out I'd remind me why I started instead of frustrating me like everyone said it would. The fact is, I had FUN on that thing. Yes, I used it as a glorified body board, yes, it may have been the worst board to start with ever, yes, it may be the root cause of every frustration I have with surfing, but its still the thing that made me look at my life and say "(insert higher power of choice) you gave me this, and I'm going to run with it!"

In the end it was me, not the board, that has to learn to surf, in the end, its me that has to practice her pop ups and pearl ten thousand times. It was me who had to get a car, leave her husband, have a 60 mile round trip commute, and work nights all to support my surfing habit. UH, habit, may not be strong enough a word here.

And now I need to go to bed early, I have a feeling tomorrow might be too big for me here and I'll have to drive south to find something I can surf.

I love being single! I LOVE IT!!!!

I married my third boyfriend. I was almost never "single" my whole adult life and jumped into a very stupid rebound- out of habit. My friends want me to date, telling me to get on OK Stupid or whatever, and its not like I have any trouble getting guys, its not. I even got set up with a very sweet very cute guy and we're dating, but I want to put on my FaceBook under interests "Not Having a Boyfriend" Because not dealing with being in a romantic relationship with another person is the greatest feeling I've ever had in my entire life. Its better than being in love!!! SO MUCH BETTER!!!!! I don't know how single people could possibly want to give this up. Being free is the best feeling in the world.

I don't understand why it is that when I say I'm sad about my divorce, they ask if I'm seeing anyone. The answer is yes- well I'm dating someone, but its not serious. I've even thought I should break it off because I don't want him to get too attached, but I guess if he's willing to take it slow, its ok. I'm sad because I'm sad that I'm getting divorced, not because I'm lonely. I'm developing something I needed so badly, a deep personal relationship with myself, and I'm starting to find out that I'm fucking awesome. I should have done this 15 years ago!

I freak out my housemate!

OMG! matter what i do, my housemate freaks out EVERY time he sees me! Hearing somebody squeal "Oh My God you scared me!" when I was making my breakfast, packing my lunch, and then when I went to take out the garbage just wrecked my last nerve. Now I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Thanks for sharing, Chaz. as if I weren't under enough stress as it is. I have to remind myself: This is why I'm going on night shift, to move out of this house of horrors!

How many people have your name?

How many people have your name?

FOUR! ONLY FOUR!

Hands Across The Sand- San Francisco Ocean Beach June 26 2010