This is about my dating life and not very interesting or informative so I don't expect anybody to read it unless they really want to know. It's pretty funny in parts though. I guess it would be a good read if you are thinking about dating a surfer so you know what you might get into. Or if you have dated a surfer who behaved this way and want validation.
And JUST IN CASE you've dated me recently, and you find this you may want to move on, I get pretty harsh.
So why am I publishing this snarky master-rant? I don't really know. Not a lot of people read my blog, so it doesn't really matter. And it's about my surf life and how it effects every aspect of my life. Its kind of a warning letter to anyone who would date me, or to people who might be falling into the lifestyle I've chosen, or that chose me.
This doesn't represent all surfers though, just me. And possibly some more...
I've had one rebound boyfriend and a handful of dates since I left my husband last August. The biggest problem with all of the guys- not surfers.
This friend of a friend I met on the beach was talking about how surfers make bad boyfriends. I've never dated a surfer in my very limited dating life, but I'm sure its true from personal experience because were I a guy I would make a very, very bad boyfriend. I'll flake out on you for good surf, without a call or text. I did that this Saturday. I flaked on a baby shower once, and not just anybody's baby shower, these were very close friends! But the swell was just so perfect that day, they were the best conditions I'd been in since I STARTED surfing. I was never a flake before I became a surfer, ask anyone. But sometimes when the surf is good, or even if its bad and you are having a good session "Just one more wave" turns into seven or eight more waves. When looking for surf "I'll be back by two" gets you a call at three that you will be home by six, and you roll in around 8:30 to a very pissed off husband.
The longer I've been away from rebound boy, the more I realize dating someone who turned out to revert to yuppie scum would never work. One time at the movies He actually bought bottled water FOR me, without asking of course. I was thirsty, but I would have rather gone thirsty. I know he thought he was being nice, so I can't really blame him, but he knew how I felt about bottled water. And he used to line paper bags with plastic ones for trash! He thought the practice was brilliant. I wouldn't know, I don't even make that much trash, I rarely get a paper bag, and most of the plastic ones I end up with I pick up as litter. And his weakness for trendy electronics? As much as I really love the video camera he gave me once he got bored with it, in the long run his conspicuous consumption would have driven me mad.
I went out with a guy on Friday. The problem with this guy is that he thinks he's a lot more interesting than he is, and even though I was having fun, all I could think of was how this wasn't worth staying up so late I would miss dawn patrol. He wanted me to visit him on Saturday, but the surf was really good and it wasn't worth it to go see him, even for a really cheap tattoo that I'd been wanting for months. Out of the water for long enough for it to heal? UNTHINKABLE.
On Sunday, I spotted Friday guy at Java Beach, at least I think it was him. The truth is that even though this guy thinks he's original and stands out, maybe he does where he comes from, but in SF he doesn't even stand out among the guys who want to date me! There are probably HUNDREDS of tattooed fifty's retro hipsters who think they are pirates in this city. He said he was a viking? What a joke! The rebound guy said he was was a viking. It was only cute the first time, and in spite of Friday Boys missing leg (really) my co-worker Tyson is a much better Pirate, as he is an actual pirate and not a pirate wanna be. So when I saw what might have been Friday guy at the cafe I tried to hide then I ran away. Not an easy feat with my long board in tow. I decided that since the guy I was hiding from had a missing leg I headed for the Beach. Where I met Sunday Boy.
I wound up fooling around with this really cute guy I met on the beach, but after a few hours the guy got boring and all I wanted to do was go surf. He begged me to go have a drink with him because he thought he was making me uncomfortable because he was worried I thought he as a creep but he was only making me uncomfortable because he was eating up my surf time. It was my own fault for fooling around with him instead of taking off to surf, but I'm still pissed that Sunday Boy took up all my time and I missed surfing on Sunday, especially since the flu I had been fighting off for a week decided to come on full strength Monday around 10 AM and now I'm going to be out of the surf for a week or so again.
Now compare that to the one time I did run into a surfer-boy who I think might have a little bit of a crush on me. He was coming in from a morning session while I was doing my surf check, I needed to go to the Farmer's market so we wound up going to the Farmers Market (FUN!) then going for an afternoon sesh at Sloat (MORE FUN!!) I got stuck in the shore break because it was WAY too big for me, and he surfed with me for a bit and disappeared. He didn't really disappear though, he just went to the outside to catch a few good ones. He apologized when he came to check up on me, but he really didn't have to. This is something I EXPECT when surfing with people beyond my ability, because I don't want to hold them back for my sake. And someday I pray to god I will disappear to the outside while surfing with someone below my ability and they will understand the way I do now. Its also good for me because it helps me push myself when I DO try to follow them. Case in point was when I tried to follow professional big wave surfer Jose "Jarrita" Gomez. I worked so hard that day! If I pushed myself that hard every day I'd probably be surfing Mavericks already. But the point is that when I hung out with him, I had fun and my mind was in the moment AND I was enjoying his company, as opposed to me thinking about how I was bored and wanted to ditch the guy and go surf.
Now I can see how this behavior might piss off a girlfriend who's boyfriend is doing it to her, unless she was a surfer before she met him, in which case hopefully she would have the same point of view I do.
The other problem she had with surfer boys is (or so I've heard and experienced a couple times) is that they tend to have a wandering eye. While I don't really want to perpetuate negative stereotypes about my own people, my complete inability to successfully participate in monogamy is (Obviously) a big reason I'm divorced. Now, I don't blame that on surfing, if anything, surfing helped me stay faithful because it filled whatever need I had that go outside my marriage. But I will say that spending a lot of time around extremely fit people and hanging out in the Ocean and at the beach doesn't exactly keep you away from sexual temptation.
One of my hot (male) surfer buddies just loves to flirt with anything of the opposite sex on the beach in front of me to show off. If I were his girlfriend this might bother me, but as it is I just think its funny. Fortunately, for him I think he's found a girlfriend who also thinks it's funny. Thing is, I do it too! One time a whole truck of teenage boys stopped at the stop sign where I cross Great Highway started to hoot at me, and being a big Ol Cougar I was delighted and turned around with my best flirtatious smile and waved and cooed "Helloooooo Boys!" Another time I was changing in the parking and a guy from a truck full of teenage boys yelled "Show me what's under that towel, baby girl!" So I did! Heh Heh Heh. I am the worst role model ever, I personally have set the woman's movement back 50 years. I suck! This behavior from me is bad enough, but if I were a guy, it would make me a total douche bag! I would be a very, very, bad boyfriend.
So why would I want to date someone who would behave this way? Because I'm just as bad! I need a level playing field here. Don't expect me to commit. I won't to anything but surfing. Don't expect me to only have eyes for you, there are too many beautiful people around me for that. Don't get serious or attached, because I'm already in love with something that you just can't compete with.